It’s time to stop pushing.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how hard we work to make things happens.
Things should feel easier, don’t you think?
There’s a pervasive belief in our culture that, if it doesn't feel difficult, then we're not doing it right.
If it doesn't feel painful, then we're not working hard enough.
To get where we want to be, it should feel tiring.
If we're not controlling things, everything will fall apart.
I used to apply this philosophy to my job, my relationships, and just about every aspect of my life. I only engaged in high intensity workouts that brought me to the point of exhaustion, and I took meetings from dawn until dusk chasing the next promotion. If I wasn't breaking a sweat, it felt like a waste of time.
While this habit helped me accomplish big "goals", it also felt exhausting. It wasn't sustainable. And it most definitely didn't feel like freedom.
From a young age, we're taught to persevere and push through, absorbing the motto “no pain, no gain” as an absolute truth. We praise folks for their “grit”, subscribing to the belief that it is honorable to grind ourselves down to dust in pursuit of an objective. We work hard to avoid judgment from the outside world, refusing to trust when our bodies tell us that we’ve had enough or that we’re in the wrong place. In the process, we end up abandoning our boundaries and values.
This attachment to "pushing" gives us the illusion of control. It’s more comfortable to believe that if we push hard enough, then everything will fall into place. And it's understandable that we do this. Planet Earth is chaotic and saturated, and our egos love to believe we have some sway over what happens.
Let me be clear: I absolutely believe that we need to push beyond our comfort zones to grow and evolve. But there's big difference between moving through meaningful discomfort and pushing uphill.
Here's what I know for sure: Balance is our natural state. That is where we're meant to be.
When we push and control and conform, we get thrown out of alignment.
When we allow things to flow, we come back to center. We create space for integration, increase our capacity for growth, and make ourselves available to the reciprocal nature of life.
In fact, things tend to fall into place when we're not doing anything at all.
Come with me for a moment. Think of a time when you were pulled by something bigger than yourself, quite naturally, with almost no effort at all. Have you ever stayed up late trying to solve a complex problem, only to fall asleep and wake up with a clear answer? Perhaps you paddled upstream, and when you paused to rest, you felt the contrast of letting the current carry you.
Our lives are a lot like that.
Surrendering to a state of receptivity opens the channel for our true nature to come through. When we allow ourselves to be pulled towards who we are, we become available to what is truly meant for us. New opportunities and options start to show up, oftentimes with very little effort.
The need to “push” is still very much engrained in me, but letting go of this tendency is something I’m constantly working on. Becoming a coach was not the result of sheer force and drive. Rather, it was a concession to the current, an acceptance of my natural state. Once I left my corporate job, I was finally open enough to notice the direction I was being pulled in. I didn’t set out with a grand ambition of becoming a writer or an artist. It’s been a slow surrender to the things that move me.
We need to give ourselves permission to let it feel easy.
Dear friend, when it feels like you’re pushing this week, can you release your grip on whatever is holding you, and let the stream carry you instead?
You don't need to be the force.
You don't need to "make" anything happen.
Your only job is to create the space for your intuition to come forward.
In the words of Fritz Perls, “Don't push the river, it flows by itself."
Nicole is coach, business mentor, and entrepreneur living in the Pacific Northwest. She specializes in life coaching, business mentoring, and consulting for individuals, entrepreneurs, and creatives.
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