Curiosity is our roadmap to joy
Curiosity is the desire to know, learn, or explore. It’s an inquisitive quality that encourages you to investigate what’s around the corner or behind the curtain. It’s that little nudge inside you that says “go here” or “try this”.
We are born curious beings, eager to experiment and explore, and I was no exception. From a young age, I asked questions and wanted to know why things are the way they are. I was labeled a “tomboy” because I didn’t naturally subscribe to what the world told me about being a girl. I was excited about all sorts of things from art to animals to theater to writing.
But my relationship to curiosity was strained when I realized that it didn’t always fit within the culture’s code of conduct, or follow the path we’re “supposed” to take. The world tells us that there’s a specific way of doing things in order to be accepted by the dominant culture. If our curiosities fall outside of the norm, we often learn to shut them down.
So that’s what I did. I listened closely to the cultural messages that the curious parts of me were inherently flawed, and I shoved it away. I kept to the safe path. I exclusively dated the opposite sex, even though it never felt quite right. I went to college and got a degree in business. I landed a job at Amazon. I got promoted. I pushed away my desires and I told myself that I “should” be happy.
Over time, I became really good at disconnecting from my body and not feeling the things I wanted. Each time my curiosity was piqued, I pushed it down. Every time my natural desires and inclinations were tickled, I felt shame.
On the outside, I was thriving. On the inside, I was closing in on myself. The weight I was carrying had gotten so heavy, and I felt stuck in a life that I didn’t want.
So I finally came out to myself, and then the world. I ended my relationship with a really great man. I walked away from my job. I discovered coaching. I started doing art again. I reclaimed writing. And now I’m creating a business.
At the time, I didn’t know that coming out as queer would be the butterfly effect for all the other changes. But I’ve learned that leaning into curiosity continues to lead me to the next right thing. This is an ongoing process, and by no means have I reached any sort of final destination, but I’m slowly stepping into a more joyous and authentic life.
It’s been two years since this unraveling, and I’m realizing that the things we're curious about, the things we try to push away because culture tells us that it's not "normal", are our gifts and offerings to the world.
When we trust our instincts, when we lean into what our true nature tells us we want, we receive that palpable, abundant, deep-primal-scream, naked-cold-plunge expansive kind of joy.
Our curiosities are a gateway to how we want to feel and who we want to be.
Those little curious nudges inside us–the ones that tell you to cut your hair, switch careers, or jump on a plane–are things that are guiding us towards our unique purpose. They’re our inner compass pointing towards our authentic selves.
We all have the capacity to follow the things that make us curious. To pause long enough to feel into the things that bring us joy, even if it’s a little bit weird.
This sometimes means doing things that (seemingly) have no purpose whatsoever. It’s as simple as going outside when it feels warm, or experimenting with watercolors, or adopting a fish. It’s reconnecting with that child-like wonder, not because it’s going to lead to a new career or any ground-breaking revelations, but simply because it feels good. You never know what outcome it’s going to deliver down the line.
A big part of my coaching is helping clients notice what makes them curious and exploring what’s getting in the way. We investigate what lights them up and how it feels in their body, then work together to take steps in that direction. It’s playful, slow, and intentional, and it’s all about taking small turns towards what you want to create.
So, what are you curious about? What does your heart desire? What makes you feel warm? It can be as big or as simple as you want it to be.
Write that essay, take the class, date someone new, learn an instrument, try a new recipe, send the email, leave the job, experiment with clothing, shave your head. The list goes on.
Here’s your permission slip to follow what makes you curious. Lean into that feeling, then revel in the magic that flows.
Because we all deserve the wildest joy imaginable.
And it might just lead you to the next right thing.
Nicole is coach, consultant, and entrepreneur living in the Pacific Northwest. She specializes in personal and professional coaching, small business & creative coaching, and strategic consulting.
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