How radical self-expression strengthens the whole
I first came out as queer the summer that the U.S. Women's National Team (USWNT) won the 2019 World Cup. These events are inextricably linked in my mind, a snapshot from the same era. Looking back on that summer, I realize that the timing of these milestones was not a coincidence. My authentic self was willed into existence, with the National Team adding force and fire behind this massive transformation.
I grew up playing soccer, starting from five years old through my senior year of high school, and the sport was a huge part of my coming-of-age experience. As young girls, we receive the message that our sole purpose in life is to please and appease other people. We absorb the idea that our bodies are instruments to serve and satisfy the world. Soccer was my reprieve from this cultural messaging, giving me permission to drop the performance and just be me. Off the field, I was supposed to be delicate and petite, soft and passive, and I worked hard to meet those expectations. On the field, I was given a stage to push against the norm of what a girl was supposed to be. I felt strong and fast, and that’s all I needed to be.
My relationship to the sport was nostalgic and formative, so it's no surprise that I felt deeply connected to 2019 Women's World Cup team. It was inspiring to watch them let their uniqueness and authenticity shine, both on and off the pitch. They used their bodies to win games, not to win male approval. They pushed against traditional views of femininity, never shrinking themselves to appear vulnerable or small. They were muscular, aggressive, and confident.
If you watched the World Cup that summer, you will remember Megan Rapinoe's goal in the semi-finals to give the US a 1-0 lead over France. To set the context for this game, USWNT players went into the World Cup in negotiations for equal pay, and prior to the semi-finals match, Trump sent a ‘hate tweet’ to Rapinoe after she said that she wouldn't be going to the White House if they won the tournament. After scoring on a free kick, Rapinoe runs to the corner and strikes an epic pose, with arms outstretched and a shit-eating grin on her face. Her teammates rush towards her to lift her up. Watching this live, I immediately broke down into tears.
The goal itself was incredible, but what's truly magical about this celebration is how Rapinoe is standing in her power, pink hair and all, in the fullest expression of herself. She's confident and poised, with both feet planted firmly on the ground. She is the antithesis of what we're told women should be, and yet, she knows she's a powerhouse. By showing up as she is, she helps bring the team closer to the finals, and she sends a message to the "powers that be" that she won't stop fighting, both as a footballer and an activist.
Radical self-expression and self-acceptance is deeply embedded in the DNA of how the USWNT operates. There were hundreds of moments throughout the 2019 World Cup that showcased them expressing their wildest selves. Crystal Dunn holding the back line, empowering a new generation of Black girls across the world. Kelley O'Hara jumping into the stands after the finals to give her girlfriend a kiss. The team celebrating their championship win in the locker room, shooting Bud Light into each other's mouths and twerking to early 2000s rap. It was joyous and exhilarating to watch.
On the road to World Cup glory, the National Team shows us that the greatest gift we can give the world is to embrace our individuality. They demonstrate that when we prioritize the individual, we prioritize the whole. In an interview of Glennon Doyle’s podcast, We Can Do Hard Things, Megan Rapinoe says, "The more people individually are able to be their full selves, the more they will give to the team, the more they can provide for the team, and the better the team is holistically.” The USWNT doesn't sacrifice individuality for the sake of the team. Their differences are their greatest strength.
When we embrace the fullness of who we are, we're better equipped to support each other and serve the world. By expressing ourselves out loud, we can better communicate, collaborate, and build community with those around us. When we have the space to be our full selves, we can show up for our teams, partners, families, businesses, and communities. We shouldn't need to choose between individuality and belonging. We can have both.
It’s contagious when we see other people living their truth, so it’s no surprise that I came out that summer. That it all started to unravel against the backdrop of the Women's World Cup. Since coming out as my authentic self, I have deepened my connections, I’ve been able to show up for people in new ways, and I have developed an entirely new sense of what it means to be seen and held by my community.
It’s been four years since the USWNT celebrated their 2019 World Cup win, and the next tournament is about to start. If you haven't already jumped on the bandwagon, I highly recommend that you tune into this World Cup, kicking off this Thursday, July 20th. This roster is the most racially diverse in the team's history, and the LGBTQ+ community is, as usual, proudly represented.
While I'm pumped for the football, I'm especially excited to watch these athletes inspire the world through the power of individuality, teamwork, and connection. Most of all, I hope they give you permission to be your wildest self, opening the door to profound connections and your most joyous life.
Nicole is coach, consultant, and entrepreneur living in the Pacific Northwest. She specializes in personal and professional coaching, small business & creative coaching, and strategic consulting.
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